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We've been talking about it for sometime, but there were some things that I had to release, let go of, air out, express, and I have done what I felt I needed to do without the reactions I expected however, but thats life and we cannot always predict things and in my opinion everything happens for a reason. I had feelings suppressed for some time and I said "Fuck it, I'm getting older and how are people supposed to know how I feel if I don't say it! What do I have to lose, NOTHING!"
So that being said, I felt I needed to do those things in order to let go, except things for what they are and always will be and move on. And staring right at me, with this huge contagious smile and soft heart is my 6 foot 3 inch tall guy! He is almost a complete foot taller than me....lol Quite the sight, but I don't care! "I DO WHAT I WANT!!! AND I LIKE IT!!!"
Wish me luck!
~S
- Location:in a uncomfortable chair cause my computer chair broke
- Mood:
content - Music:silenced it to read
Thats why I am in school! Honestly, I love it and right now I am thankful for the break. I have 3 months off till I go back. Honestly, its a lot of wasted time, but I think I was a little burnt out too, so it's good that I'm getting a break.
Although, I do miss being around people. Since I'm in a town that I don't know people, and currently have no car and no money, I've been confined to the house. Especially since it's been raining for a week. Not today though. But I am going for a walk in about a half hour so all is good!
In any case, I thought I would update...there are some things brewing in my life right now and I believe some changes may just come to bloom. Time will tell! I don't want to jinx myself just yet so I will not discuss it yet.......but lets just say that something may be happening that I didn't think would ever happen again! Keep your fingers crossed....it's good!!!!!
Till next time...
Carpe Diem!
~S
- Location:Home
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:Jamie O'Neal
I've done research and everything I read tells me this is hereditary! Flippin' Great!!!!
Which basically means, take your meds and shut the hell up! Deal with it!!! Well, I'm tired of dealing with it! I want it to go away! And for no reason whatsoever, I will begin to slip again, I feel it and I am helpless to stop it! Oh, don't get me wrong, I try like hell! I do whatever it takes to make it stop....but it only works for a time being and when the fun is over...there it is still staring at me and waiting to take over! I hate it!!!
And so the question remains...do I try to fight it again, to prolong it and maybe just maybe I'll figure out another way to stop it all together or do I just let it take over and get it over with. The last time I did that it was the worst! I wanted to die but I was to scared to do it myself. I was clueless how to make the pain and anguish stop! I couldn't make it stop! I just wanted to die because I was in so much pain....and it's back again...lurking in the corners waiting for me to drop my weak defenses just once so they can attack again! Bastards!
Why couldn't I have inherited incurable happiness??? That would have been nice!
I'm off!
~S
- Mood:
depressed
Ok so I am basically starting this thing to keep in touch with a friend who lives half way around the world and I miss him like crazy. I hope he keeps in touch! In any case, I'm here so where are you?
~S
- Location:Home
- Mood: amused
- Music:none
